What Makes the Loneliness Epidemic so Male?

In September 2024, the Pew Research Center found that 15% of American women and 16% of American men reported feeling “lonely or isolated” “all or most of the time.” If men and women are similarly lonely, what makes the male loneliness epidemic so male? Is it so male after all?

The same study shows that men cope with loneliness much differently than women. Men, in general, are less likely to reach out to someone who is not a spouse or partner for support. In 1990, 3% of men reported having no close friends. In 2021, that number was 21%. This tells us that men are increasingly prioritizing their romantic relationships and relying on partners for support. Women are socialized to prioritize friendships and intimacy (ie. in the form of “best friends” and playing family) from a young age. Men are socialized to prioritize dominance and competition, as evidenced through competitive sports and war games. In an NPR interview, writer Harris Sockel posited that men's friendships are defined by participating in “side-by-side” activities, such as video games or sports. Women’s relationships, by contrast, are defined by intimate, face-to-face talking. Societal norms around masculinity, such as independence and stoicism, are ingrained from a young age.

Perhaps age trends can tell us more about the male loneliness epidemic. According to the same Pew study, 24% of Americans aged 18-29 report feeling lonely, while only 6% of adults 65+ report feeling lonely. Gallup reports that young men aged 15-34 are more likely to feel lonely than their same-age female counterparts, and U.S. men report significantly higher levels of loneliness than other similarly-aged men globally.

In our digital age, lonely young men falling prey to Andrew Tate’s “manosphere” may find themselves even more distanced from healthy social support. Listeners blame women for their woes – they believe women choose partners purely based on physical appearance. This plays into the socialization of men as prioritizing romantic relationships above all else. When they do so, their self-esteem and self value becomes inherently tied with their ability (or lack thereof) to attain said relationships. They are told not to open up, which is a problem not only for men, but for all members of society where men make up half the population.

My final question is this: Why should we care about male loneliness? It may be easy to write off male loneliness as a) nothing new, b) not exclusively male, or c) a bed men have made for themselves and must now lie in. Yet loneliness is associated with many negative health outcomes, including higher risk of heart disease, stroke, and developing dementia in older age. To understand the problem of male loneliness, we must first understand loneliness in general, and the complex factors pushing us apart in a world that is the most connected it’s ever been.